So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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