apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
