So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
