Tell her she can't have a vagina
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
