Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
it's like iHOP with fire
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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