I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Randomize
