He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
