Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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