the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
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