i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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