I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
