How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
