I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
