the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
