she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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