In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
When are your genitals available?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
