Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
