We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
