wrigley field is MILF paradise
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
