About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
