She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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