Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
