i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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