I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Randomize
