I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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