I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
