We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
