Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
