I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
