Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
