Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
