...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
