god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
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