This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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