I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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