It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
