when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
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