I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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