I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Randomize
