I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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