she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
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