8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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