good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
