u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
