my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
