not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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