I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
