is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
where are you?
Hypothermia
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
