you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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