You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
