Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
