you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
