I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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