i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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