Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
