he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Randomize
