I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
You have to summon your inner elephant
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
