I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
