If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
