I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
