Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
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He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
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I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
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