help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize