Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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