my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
