mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
