Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
