Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
