Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
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