i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
