Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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