the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
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I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
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Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
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