The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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