She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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