from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
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Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
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My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
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