That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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