Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
