I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
