She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
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